


Wishing I Was There

by Imogen_LeFay



Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [6]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Day 7: Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Seblaine Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25354552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: “Friends with benefits? I don’t know. It’s a pretty dumb concept.”Blaine thought he knew what he was getting into when he started a friends with benefits thing with Sebastian. But it’s always the same, isn’t it?Someone gets feelings, and someone gets hurt.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Seblaine Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828807
Comments: 11
Kudos: 67
Collections: Seblaine Week 2020





	Wishing I Was There

**Author's Note:**

> Are we doing this again? Yes, we are.
> 
> So, here's what you missed on Canon Divergence:  
> Blaine and Kurt broke up during season 4, but while they managed to repair their friendship, they did not get back together. Blaine still moved to New York, though he went to NYU right away, where he eventually ran into Sebastian.  
> And that's what you missed on Canon Divergence.
> 
> Title is from the song by Natalia Imbruglia, Wishing I Was There.

* * *

_“Friends with benefits? I don’t know. It’s a pretty dumb concept.”_

The night air is fresh, crisp, just what Blaine needs right now. It’s like the air manages to dispel some of the haze the alcohol has left in his brain – not completely, but at least enough to let him think. Breathing is easier out here too, outside the stuffy loft where their friends and at least a dozen more people are partying.

Blaine sits down on the steps of the fire escape, trying to drone out the noises of the party inside, and just breathes for a moment.

He knows he’s being ridiculous. Really, what was he even expecting? He shouldn’t be hurt. And either way, it was just a stupid game of Truth or Dare. There hadn’t been a spotlight on him as Sebastian answered the dumb question – and what kind of lame question was that anyway, “how do you feel about friends with benefits?”

Highlight of the night, really, sitting at the house party his ex is throwing with his shiny new boyfriend, only to listen to the guy he’s been seeing lay out just how little value you have to him. At least he’s sure that nobody noticed how awful Sebastian’s words had made him feel, how silly, delusional… he’d managed to sit around for three more rounds before excusing himself, hopefully enough that nobody would draw a connection.

Sebastian might. An hour ago, Blaine would have bet on it. But hey, what did he know?

He isn’t sure he ever felt this stupid. Maybe after the Gap Attack, and how the hell can just the memory of that still make him cringe?

Four months.

It started as a drunk hook-up. They’d been dancing, drinking, and at the end, Blaine had invited Sebastian into his apartment on a whim. For one last drink, or an equally transparent excuse. He was surprised to find Sebastian still there in the morning, more surprised at the warmth he felt at the realization. They made breakfast, had coffee, and it took until Sebastian left for Blaine to freak out. A million voices in his head started up, complaining that Sebastian would lose interest in him now that he could finally strike that particular notch in his belt, no matter they friendship they rebuilt since Blaine ran into him at NYU.

But Sebastian stuck around. They still met for coffee, talked about their classes, hung out. And sometimes, they’d start making out, or more. Over the weeks, Blaine found himself confiding more in Sebastian than anyone. He realized he felt happier. That he was looking forward to seeing Sebastian with a nervous, bubbly excitement. That he thought about him ever more often. When something good happened, he wanted to tell Sebastian first. When he was having troubles with classes, Sebastian was the person he vented to. And just last week he woke up with Sebastian lying beside him. He watched him, just for a moment, and that’s when he realized.

Oh. This… I want this.

So maybe he didn’t have the best track record on realizing he was in love, but once he did… It was hard this last week. Because... he knows that Sebastian isn’t a guy for relationships. And this friends with benefits thing they have going on… Yes, fine, Blaine knows it’s not sustainable, not when he has feelings and Sebastian doesn’t.

It just hurts to be dismissed like this.

He hears the window open, and someone climbs out. Hopefully, they realize the staircase has been occupied as a sulking spot and leave right away. Instead, he hears a sigh, and someone steps closer, right in front of him.

“You’re going to freeze out here.”

Blaine bites his lower lip, doesn’t look up to see Sebastian’s face. He feels silly, like a dumb kid who got in way over his head. He doesn’t need more explanations about what Sebastian meant, doesn’t want to hear it. Most importantly, he doesn’t want this to end. If he closes his eyes, forgets Sebastian’s words and his own feelings, and pretends everything is fine, he can go home with him, kiss and touch, and fool himself that this is fine and won’t bring him down in the long term. Faster, probably. If he can ignore this…

But he can’t, can he?

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” Sebastian asks.

“What’s the point?” Blaine replies. “Isn’t this all a waste of time anyway? Or so you said…”

Sebastian sighs, then steps closer. Blaine has to shift to make way for him as he folds his overlong legs to fit beside him.

“I didn’t say _you’re_ a waste of time,” he says.

“Yeah, cool,” Blaine says, trying to sound dismissive, but even to him the hurt in his voice is obvious. “Not me. Just, you know, what we’re doing. That’s fun.”

Another hesitation before Sebastian speaks. “I didn’t mean you. I don’t see you like that.”

In frustration, Blaine runs a finger through his hair. “I thought that was what we’re doing. That’s what we are. We’re friends. We’re close. We talk about everything. And we’re sleeping together. Help me out, how do people call that? And then you give a whole rant about how dumb the concept is. So, if you don’t see me like that…” he wants to stop himself, but the words come out anyway “What the hell am I to you?”

He does look up now, and it’s… not what he expected. He thought Sebastian would be annoyed, instead there’s a pained expression on his face.

“Friends with benefits… you have to admit the concept is dumb,” Sebastian says. “Just… let me explain? You have friends, and you share things with them, and then you bring in sex, and eventually it’s all about the sex, and the friendship just… disappears. Plus, someone always develops feelings, and then it all burns down. So… you kind of wreck the friendship, and that is ruined long after the rush is gone. Is it really worth it? It’s probably smarter to just keep it separate…”

It’s true, Blaine knows it’s true, but he still feels like crap. “But we are friends,” he says, trying not to sound desperate. “We talk, we hang out… You’re actually one of my closest friends. Is that all you see me as? Someone to hook up with?”

He doesn’t understand why Sebastian is looking him like that, like he’s the one being hurt here.

“You know that’s different,” Sebastian says softly. “You’re… don’t make me say it.”

Blaine doesn’t get it. “I don’t want to make you do anything,” he says. “I thought we were…” He sighs. “I don’t know. I don’t even know anymore. What are we doing Sebastian?”

Sebastian shrugs, avoiding his eyes. “See? It’s a whole mess.”

“And someone always gets hurt,” Blaine adds. He wishes he could go back just a few hours ago. Or maybe back to the point when he didn’t realize his feelings yet, when it all was less complicated. “Someone gets feelings, and then they get hurt.”

Another beat of silence.

“I’m not blaming you,” Sebastian says.

Blaine stares at him, and… it doesn’t make sense. There’s such a disconnect, between the boasting words (“I’m not blaming you for falling in love with me – how could you not?”), and the defeated slump in Sebastian’s shoulders, the frown and bitterness in his face. He can’t even find words as Sebastian continues.

“I know you don’t see me that way. I get it. I knew what I was getting into, that you don’t feel the same. I guess I just thought I could deal with it. Separate it in my head That’s all on me, that’s not your fault. But lately, it just… it feels different, and it’s been messing with my head.” He looks up at Blaine, and there’s hesitation, a shyness that doesn’t fit him. “Maybe I can’t do this after all.”

It’s like the world shifts, like gravity reverses. Blaine understands the words, but somehow, they don’t make sense. Because… if he does understand it correctly… it means he’s had it all wrong. That Sebastian’s been the one hurting, while he willfully closed his eyes and pretended everything would be fine. It’s not how he pictured them. Looking back, though… oh no, this makes just way too much sense, explains way too much. So many mornings with Sebastian smiling at him, relaxed, carefree, only to suddenly turn a switch, seem cool and smooth and nonchalant, and…

“You’re in love with me,” he says. Like putting it in words will make it easier to digest. It’s obvious now, as if that one last puzzle piece finally makes him see the picture.

Sebastian looks lost. Like he feels silly, and foolish, and all the things Blaine felt just five minutes before.

He never should look like this.

Blaine won’t take it for another moment.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t see it. I should have, but… oh, I really messed up, didn’t I? It’s just… it took me so long to figure it out. You always talked about relationships like none of it mattered. So, I thought… but I should have seen. I’m so sorry it took me so long to figure it out. But you’re wrong about one thing.” He takes another deep breath, for that last confession that really isn’t a big deal anymore. “I do have feelings for you, Sebastian. It just took me a bit longer to get there. But I want that, with you.”

Sebastian stares at him in disbelief, like he’s been hit by a car. It doesn’t seem to quite register with him, but then it does. The smile just starts forming, when Blaine rushes forward, covers it with a kiss. One of Sebastian’s hands finds its way into his hair, holds him close as he kisses back.

The window opens, but telling people to leave would mean moving away from Sebastian’s lips, and his tongue moving in that delicious way, and… no, not an option.

“Blaine Anderson, you stop making out with your boyfriend right now and come in here, I need you for a duet!”

He waves Rachel off, the mere mention of the word boyfriend causing him to surge more into the kiss, Sebastian’s arms dragging him even closer. Boyfriend.

“At least get a room!” Rachel yells at them, even though she sounds happy.

Now, that was too much even with Sebastian right there. He pulled away and turned to her. “How? You have no walls!”

“Oh,” she says, as if the thought just occurred to her as well. “Good point. Never mind then.”

She closes the window behind her. In his arms Sebastian laughs. When Blaine turns back to him, he sees Sebastian looking at him, happy and relaxed, and it feels like Sunday mornings, like brunch and coffee with cognac, like he has no idea yet just what an amazing thing he’s just discovered.

He bows forward and kisses Sebastian, once, twice, softly.

“Tell me this will still be real tomorrow,” Sebastian says.

Blaine feels his breath hitch. It’s still such a new concept, that he should be the one with the power to break Sebastian’s heart. “I promise,” he whispers against Sebastian’s lips. “Tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that…”

They’ll figure it out, one day at a time. And as Sebastian pulls him close again – his boyfriend – Blaine realizes what he really should have known from the beginning.

“Friends with benefits” is a pretty dumb concept.


End file.
